Lump

There's a reason I haven't written in a long while. I am going through a rough time with a health scare. Right after I had Lily, a lump developed underneath my arm in my armpit which I thought was a plugged duct or swollen lymph gland. I didn't think much of it, just assumed it wasn't a big deal. Over the next several weeks I tried a few things, like hot compresses, lymphatic massages, aiming hot-hot-hot shower head at it while massaging. . but it didn't go away. When my milk came in a lump developed under my arm. When my milk was in the lump under my arm was huge. I would compare it to the size of a tennis ball. Not only was it painful, but it was also very embarrassing. After I stopped nursing Lily, the swelling went down and I thought that it was happening because I was engorged for breastfeeding. When I became pregnant with Jaxon it came back right away, but this time it was painful. Painful to even put on deodorant. I thought, enough is enough, lets go to the doctor and get this looked at. The doctor told me that your breast muscle actually goes up to your shoulder and the tissue sometimes has pockets in them where the milk goes into or that it may be a fibrous tissue. She told me that after I had Jaxon, we could do some more research and go from there. So I dealt with the pain and never wore a tank top out of embarrassment with this giant lump under my arm.

Now that I am finished breast feeding Jaxon, I went to the doctor again. This time she did an examination of my breast and the lump under my arm. She wasn't comfortable with the pain that I was having so she wanted me to go see a specialist. When I saw the doctor she told me that this is a fairly common thing with breast feeding mothers.....I have NEVER heard of anyone having this. But when it happens to others it is more common to happen on both sides. My doctor ordered some blood work and scheduled surgery to remove the lump. My surgery was actually scheduled yesterday, but I had to cancel due to work, childcare, scheduling.....life. How can I possibly fit in anything else? I thought that it might be better if we could schedule in June. That would give me time to get everything in order so that I could have time off work, recover, help with the kids, etc. I called to reschedule and they told me that they received my blood work and were uncomfortable with the abnormal cells and they want to remove the lump right away. So now we are in the process of trying to get me a surgery date as soon as possible. They will be removing the lymph nodes in my underarm and the top part of my breast near my shoulders. Once they remove the lump they will test it to make sure that it isn't cancerous.

To be completely honest with you.....I'm scared, but not really for the reasons I should be scared. Ive never had surgery before or been under anesthesia. I'm not worried about me.....I'm worried about how I'm going to be able to lift my baby to feed him a bottle. How am I going to be able to drive if I can't use my arm? What about work? How am I going to keep the house clean and make dinner for my husband? I'm being ridiculous, but believe it or not those are the thoughts entering my head, I'm more worried about everything else that is happening. I know everything will work out and God has a plan for me that I just need to have faith in that.